On the Same Page ...  Topical conversation starters to help parents stay "on the same page" with each other and their families. Download a print-friendly version of this article here: Dealing with Jealousy


How do we live as Holy Families when there is jealousy?

Jealousy is a complex set of emotions that stem from feelings of loss or the potential loss of something important. It can occur if we feel abandoned, insecure or left out. There are times in any family when feelings of jealousy might arise — for example, welcoming a new baby, or when one sibling seems to be getting more attention than another.  Recognizing what is at stake for a child is the key to dealing with this capricious emotion. It is important to remind children that there is always enough love to go around. We do that by showing them love and listening to their feelings, however difficult it may be for them to express those emotions appropriately.

Jesus demonstrated unconditional love for others. In particular, he was intentional about loving those whom others wanted nothing to do with because they were “sinners.” In this story about Jesus’ table fellowship with sinners, he is criticized for the unconditional welcome he extended to those who were considered unclean:

As Jesus reclined at table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclining with Jesus and his disciples. And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?’ But when (Jesus) heard it, he said, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, “I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.” For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.’” (Matthew 9:9-13 ESV)

Love is not something that can be completely used up. On the contrary, the more you give away, the more it grows. As St. Paul said, “Love never ends” (1 Corinthians 13:8 ESV). We don’t always know or understand that love never ends, especially when we are children. If a child feels threatened by a perceived preference in the family, feelings of envy are bound to crop up. Something important is happening, but how do we get to the root of the problem?

Our awareness of the emotional “field” within the family is something to be constantly paying attention to, especially if there has been a big change in the family. Change can often cause children to feel stressed or anxious. Talking about those changes, even in the simplest terms, can quell negative feelings. Remind the ones feeling left out that they too are loved and cherished. Your attention and assurance can help to assuage feelings of jealousy and hurt.

Things to Pray and Talk About:

a)   When in your life have you felt strong feelings of jealousy? What was going on at the time?

b)   How can jealousy be a disruptive and destructive emotion in our lives?

c)    How do we know from Jesus’ life that we are loved beyond our wildest imagination? 

d)   How does God’s love offer us security and peace in life? In our family life?

Asking for God's Blessing:

Lord God, you sent your son, Jesus, into the world to show us what true love looks like. Help us to love one another so deeply and faithfully that we are secure in our relationships and don’t feel any jealousy toward others in our lives. Remind us that we are called to love others the way we want to be loved. In Jesus’ holy name we pray. Amen. 

Holy Families! Initiative © Sola Publishing, 2016 (www. solapublishing.com). Permission granted to copy for local use.

On the Same Page ...  Topical conversation starters to help parents stay "on the same page" with each other and their families. Download a print-friendly version of this article here: Dealing with Homesickness


How do we live as “Holy Families” when we are homesick?

Part of growing up is spending time away from the family home. That could mean participating in fun adventures like catechism camp, a sports camp, a school trip, or even simply spending the night at a friend’s house. Some children are naturally more independent than others and consider their time away from home as a wonderful experience. For others, going away from home and family, their own bed and toys, can be a challenge. They are simply more comfortable in their own familiar environment. This topic is not just for young children either — when young people go off to the military or college, many of them experience this yearning for home and family connections.

As parents, we can use these moments to help our children take a step toward independence and encourage them to venture out into new situations that will benefit them in the long run. Ultimately these adventures away from home and parents build confidence and allow a child to test their developing interpersonal skills such as making new friends, communicating with others, and taking care of themselves. We can assure them that we are only a phone call or text away and that more importantly, God is with them wherever they go.

When Jesus was preparing to give his life as a sacrifice for the world, he promised his disciples that he would not leave them orphaned, “I will come to you,” he said. (John 14:18) As Jesus promised his friends the gift of the Holy Spirit he assured them, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”

There is never a place or a time where we are without our Lord. As parents we can take every opportunity to remind our children that Jesus is with them always, helping them, guiding them, comforting them when they feel alone, and teaching them to rely on him in the midst of life’s experiences. When we make a habit of reminding children that God is always with them, soon they will come to rely on that truth and draw from it when they are homesick or afraid.

It is normal to have a bit of anxiety over being separated from our family and home, but it is a good thing to get away from the normal, everyday routine of daily life and explore what the world around us offers. We can trust that we are always being watched over by our heavenly Father, and that before long we will be back in familiar surroundings. And just think of all the great stories they will have to tell when they return!

Things to Pray and Talk About:

a) When was there a time when you were away from home and felt really homesick? Did you stick it out and stay, or did you cut your journey short and head home?

b) What feelings are associated with being homesick? Is there anything in particular that would help you feel better in those moments?

c) Read together Matthew 28:16-20. What gives you comfort in this passage? In what ways are we given a task to do when we go away from home? What is that task and what is the promise that goes with it?

Asking for God’s Blessing:

Lord God, you know our fears as well as our joys. Give us con dence to venture away from home and experience life beyond our front door. Continue to mold and shape us into your saints, sharing the good news wherever we go. Help us to trust that Christ is with us always, even to the end of the age. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Holy Families! Initiative © Sola Publishing, 2017 (www. solapublishing.com). Permission granted to copy for local use.

On the Same Page ...  Topical conversation starters to help parents stay "on the same page" with each other and their families. Download a print-friendly PDF version of this article here: Dealing with Uncertainty


How do we live as Holy Families in uncertain times?

How are you at dealing with uncertainty? Many of us are rather uncomfortable with the state of “not knowing.” The truth is, we all like to have life be in control, predictable, and care-free. Unfortunately, life isn’t like that all the time. There are times in each of our lives and in our families where situations seem to spiral out of our control, where answers are sought but not received, where time seems to stand still because we are waiting for a diagnosis, a test result, or an answer we long to hear. How do we live as Holy Families amidst life’s uncertainty?

Jesus taught his followers to put their trust in their heavenly Father. He wanted them to know that even though there is much to worry about, they had no reason to fear or be anxious:

“Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.” (Luke 12:22-31 ESV)

In a letter to his wife, Katie, Martin Luther sought to ease her worrying about him while he was away from home. While he appreciated her care and concern, he knew it was taxing on her. He urged Katie to trust in the one true God, “I beg you to pray and leave the worrying to God. You are not commanded to worry about me or yourself. It is written, ‘Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee,’ and similarly in other places.” (February 10, 1546)

Worry cannot change in our situation; in fact it harms our health as we stress about things we have no control over. Physiologically, worry and stress cause negative effects on our body and mind. Stress hormones negatively affect blood pressure, brain chemistry, and other body systems have to work harder to keep us alive, while some shut down to conserve energy.

Worry is a waste of time, and it’s bad for your health! Luther didn’t want his wife to worry and Jesus urged his disciples not to worry. Instead as Holy Families we are called to put our complete trust in the Lord of life. Uncertainty remains, but worry doesn’t have to be our response since we know who has our best interests at heart.

Things to Pray and Talk About:

a) What uncertainties are you and your family facing in your lives right now? Breath deeply and share your fears about life’s uncertainties.

b) How are you responding in negative ways? How are you responding faithfully?

c) Is there one person in your family who does most of the worrying? Pray right now for that person to learn to let go.

d) How might you encourage one another to relax and trust in the Lord?

Asking for God's Blessing:

Heavenly Father, in our minds we know you are looking out for us always, but in our hearts we tend to struggle with letting go of our worries. Grant us your abiding peace in the face of the uncertainties that life is presenting to us these days. We trust that you will provide for our every need according to your holy will for us. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Holy Families! Initiative © Sola Publishing, 2017 (www. solapublishing.com). Permission granted to copy for local use.

On the Same Page ...  Topical conversation starters to help parents stay "on the same page" with each other and their families. Download a print-friendly PDF version of this article here: Dealing with Grief


How do we live as Holy Families when we are grieving?

They say that death is the great equalizer. It hits us all eventually. That doesn’t mean that it is easy, or that we ought to be happy about it. But how do we process all that we feel when a loved one dies? How do we make sense of the pain we feel? Each individual has a unique way of dealing with sorrow. There is no right or wrong way to process loss, but we can always rely on the comfort and love of God.

Probably one of the most pressing questions in our hearts at the death of a loved one is, “Are they with Jesus?” Here is where we can begin the conversation: To be assured that our loved one is with Jesus takes a load of anxiety off of our shoulders. We can count on this when we know our loved one was a person of faith who trusted the promises of God. Also, we have words from scripture that give us comfort. St. Paul wrote to the Romans:

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39 ESV)

Having the assurance that our loved one is in Christ’s holy presence and no longer in a state of suffering or pain is one thing. It is another thing entirely to think of ourselves without them. Grief is feeling sad that we no longer have our loved one with us. It is hard for us to imagine not seeing that person again on earth even when a death is expected — and if a loved one dies suddenly and unexpectedly, it is even harder to comprehend.

Being open about death is a good thing. We cannot deny that it is a reality for all living creatures. Praying together, talking about our loved ones and remembering them is a powerful way to move through the stages of grief. Be patient — with your child and with yourselves. It’s likely that if your child is suffering loss, then you are, too. Talking about our feelings is healing for our souls. Participating in end-of-life rituals such as calling hours and funerals is helpful for people of all ages. Don’t neglect opportunities for comfort and peace.

Jesus spoke to his disciples before his ascension into heaven, saying, “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20b ESV). There is not a time or place when those who are God’s children are left alone or separated from Christ — not even in death. Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Above all else, look to God’s holy presence as you walk through these difficult experiences, and remember together the promises of Easter.

Things to Pray and Talk About:

a) Why does death bring such uncertainty and sorrow for us, even though we are people who believe? 

b) Whom have you lost in your family and circle of friends? Discuss how that felt and how long your heart hurt because of the loss.

c) Who can you go to in order to talk about your grief if it gets to be too much to handle? What do you need right now?

d) How might you encourage one another and be there for each other as you share a common sorrow?

Asking for God's Blessing:

Loving God, you have called us into a life of faith and gifted us with your love and mercy. We give you thanks for the days we have together, and for the experiences, friendships, and loving family relationships we share with others. When a loved one dies, comfort us in our sorrow and remind us of your unfailing love in Christ Jesus, in whose name we pray. Amen.

Holy Families! Initiative © Sola Publishing, 2016 (www. solapublishing.com). Permission granted to copy for local use.

On the Same Page ...  Topical conversation starters to help parents stay "on the same page" with each other and their families. Download a print-friendly PDF version of this article here: Dealing with Dating


How do we live as Holy Families when it comes to dating?

How do we start a conversation with our children about dating? Perhaps the topic has come up as a result of your teenager’s increased talking and texting with someone of the opposite sex. Ideally, parents would have had frequent and ongoing dialogues about topics such as dating, curfews, and sexuality long before an interest arises in a teen’s life, but that’s not always what happens in reality. So whether you are ahead of the game or just catching up, it’s better to start the conversation late than to never have it.

As parents, it is vital that we are on the same page when it comes to the rules and boundaries of our children dating. Most teenagers don’t even know what dating should look like; they have no personal experience with it. All they know is what they see on television, on social media, and in movies — and those are usually not the best examples of what we want for our young people. Adolescents need, and want, our attention and guidance in this arena of life, even if they insist otherwise. Some questions we might ask each other as we prepare to have a discussion might be: At what age might it be appropriate to allow our teen to date? Are we more comfortable with a group date in which a bunch of kids go somewhere together rather than a one-on-one outing? What are the rules for having guests in our house? Does a parent need to be home? What time do we expect our child to come home, and what happens if he or she doesn’t follow the boundaries of the curfew?

It is very important to be clear about your expectations of your teenager as  you give them increased freedom. By discussing these topics before they happen, they will have an idea of what you have in mind for them. We want to promote smart, healthy, respectful relationships, and as the author of Proverbs wrote, “Whoever walks with the wise become wiser, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20).

When it comes to dating, one thing that is incredibly important is your teenager’s self-image. If your child has a deep grounding in their faith, then hopefully they also have a healthy respect for themselves and others. Pay attention to this, because if a teenager fails to value herself, she might choose to date someone who also will not value her. If a teen doesn’t have a clear identity — knowing who they are and whose they are — he might become involved with someone whose influence has a negative effect on him. It is important to help young people discern their own values so they can assess the values of those they want to be friends with.

Things to Pray and Talk About:

a)   How would you define a good relationship? How do people treat one another in a healthy relationship?

b) What are the qualities you look for in a friend or someone you might want to date? 

c)   What are your family values when it comes to appropriate signs of affection in relationships for teens?

d)   How does  your faith inform your decisions on whom to date and what to do (or not do) on dates?

Asking for God's Blessing:

God of love, you have created us male and female so that we might have companionship and support. Guide us as a family in all of our relationships, that they would be respectful, healthy, balanced, and peaceful. Let us be ever mindful of your love for us and the value you place upon each of us in body, mind, and spirit. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen. 

Holy Families! Initiative © Sola Publishing, 2017 (www. solapublishing.com). Permission granted to copy for local use.

On the Same Page ...  Topical conversation starters to help parents stay "on the same page" with each other and their families. Download a print-friendly PDF version of this article here: Dealing With Criticism


How do we live as “Holy Families” when we get criticized?

Dealing with criticism is something we have to learn to do from a very early age. The trouble is, it never becomes easy. It can be tough to hear criticism from others, even when it may be warranted. It’s important to distinguish between corrective criticism and just plain old hurtful remarks. As parents, this is where we can offer some assistance.

It is helpful to keep in mind that even Jesus was criticized by others in his life. Even though he was the perfect Son of God, people found fault with his words and actions. Jesus’ words were not unkind or unhelpful, but because he challenged others to see their own shortcomings and disobedience toward the Father, people rejected Jesus and his words. They neglected to live lives of grace and mercy and instead looked out for themselves in fear and selfishness. While we cannot expect to  align ourselves with the perfection of Christ, we can take solace in the knowledge that we are in good company when it comes to being blamed, chastised, or even bashed by others.

In faith, we teach our children to speak kindly and respectfully to adults and those in authority over them, encouraging them to attend to the full meaning of the fourth commandment, “We should fear and love God so that we do not show contempt for our parents and others in authority, nor provoke them to anger, but respect, obey, serve, love, and honor them.” (Small Catechism) But how do we encourage them to handle criticism when it comes their way? It can and will come from family members, bosses, teachers, coaches, and others with whom we have relationships, but it is not always meant to help us improve ourselves. When it is corrective we need to help young people hear the truth of what is being said so that they might learn from the experience; but when criticism comes in the form of disdain, jealousy, or hatred, learn how to shake it off and recognize the intention of the words that are hurled at us.

Keep in mind in the face of criticism:

1) Another’s hurtful words are often a reflection of their own pain and frustration.

2) In the face of criticism it can be helpful to ask for clarification or instructions on how to improve or do things differently.

3) Our self worth comes from the way that God sees us. He loves us, wants the best for us, and will help us to improve, overcome our shortcomings, and grant us forgiveness.

4) We are called to let our love be genuine, even in the face of conflict or criticism. The Holy Spirit will help us respond faithfully.

Things to Pray and Talk About:

a) How do you discern between helpful criticism and unhelpful disparagement? 

b) How might we encourage our children to be gracious in the face of helpful criticism so that they might learn something about themselves?

c) What feelings arise in the face of criticism? How did Jesus handle those very real human feelings?

d) How do we live lives of love, even in the face of those who would reject us?

Asking for God’s Blessing: 

Holy and Loving God, your Son Jesus was treated with contempt and criticism in his life. We know that he understands our pain when we face it because he experienced it too. Give us the courage to love and forgive, even in the face of those who are unkind. Help us to see their pain and not take things too personally. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Holy Families! Initiative © Sola Publishing, 2017 (www. solapublishing.com). Permission granted to copy for local use.

How many of the adults in your congregation know the names of all or most of the children who are a part of the parish?

All too often there is a disconnect between adults and children in churches, unless the adult is actively involved in some aspect of youth ministry. It is vital for children's faith formation that adults besides their parents and grandparents get involved in their faith lives. Statistics show that of the youth who are actively involved in church in Middle and High School, 50% will walk away from the faith while in college. How can the Body of Christ nurture young people in the faith AND maintain an active relationship with youth when they go off to college, the military or even begin working in the community?

Here are some ideas to get congregations thinking about how to connect adults of all ages to the children in their midst:

  • Take a photo of each child and put the pictures on a bulletin board that is in a prominent place in the church where all can see. Label each picture with the child's name, age, and any other information you want to include. (How about, "What's your favorite color?" or "Who's your favorite Bible character?" or "Who were you named after?")
  • Connect an adult with a child and ask them to be "prayer partners" for a year. Make sure to create opportunities within the community for prayer partners to sit and talk together so they can foster a lasting relationship.
  • Have Sunday School kids gather together and go visit people from the congregation who are shut-ins or who are living in a nursing home. They can make cards and drawings to take along. While you're there, take a photo of the kids with the person they are visiting. Be sure to send a copy to that person - they will love it!
  • Start a "Secret Friend" exchange by putting names of adults and kids who want to participate in separate boxes. Make sure to ask a few questions on the sign up sheet so the secret friend knows what the other person likes. (Parents of children will have to get involved so the kids remember to keep the friendship going.) Ask questions on the sign up sheet such as: What's your favorite candy? What is your favorite food? When is your birthday? Create a space in the church where secret friends can drop off cards and gifts for each other during the year. At the end of the year, have a get together to reveal to one another who's secret friend each person is.
  • Invite older members of the congregation to visit catechism classes and to be mentors to confirmands.